Lawyer Jokes

As attorneys, we understand that people normally do not like dealing with an attorney. Having to see and/or hire an attorney likely means something is going wrong in their life. Because of this, and other reasons, attorneys are the butts of many jokes. Here are some of our favorites:

1. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

2. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

3. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

4. How does a lawyer sleep? First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

5. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.

6. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

7. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three - one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

8. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

9. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.

10. Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? To practice.